Exodus International, a prominent "ex-gay" ministry, recently posted an apology penned by Alan Chambers. In the online statement, Chambers apologized for harm and stigma caused by Exodus International.
Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me.
And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.
Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt another person. Yet, here I sit having hurt so many by failing to acknowledge the pain some affiliated with Exodus International caused, and by failing to share the whole truth about my own story. My good intentions matter very little and fail to diminish the pain and hurt others have experienced on my watch. The good that we have done at Exodus is overshadowed by all of this.
Friends and critics alike have said it’s not enough to simply change our message or website. I agree. I cannot simply move on and pretend that I have always been the friend that I long to be today. I understand why I am distrusted and why Exodus is hated.
Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.
What do my readers think? Can Chambers and Exodus International be forgiven for years of homophobic and spiritually toxic messages? Has the organization done too much damage to be forgiven? How will the Religious Right community react Chambers' apology? How will members of the LGBTQ community, especially those who have suffered at the hands of so-called "ex-gay" programs, respond?
(Hat tip to Box Turtle Bulletin)
Wow. He did the right thing in apologizing, but it will be hard for many of his followers and former followers to forgive him, I think.
ReplyDeleteDonna -- Considering how much homophobia the group has promoted, it will take a long time for others to forgive Exodus, IF they ever do.
DeleteWow. I don't think this does the whole trick as far as repairing damage, but I have to give him props for this, as it seems sincere. The language isn't glossed over, nor does it have any "I'm sorry you feel that way" doublespeak.
ReplyDeleteOrganizations within the religious right, LGBT related or no, will have to follow suit or become extinct. Actually, the reality for Exodus-esque ministries is that they will have to apologize AND go extinct.
Groups like this lost relevance awhile back. They should've never had it. Even they are starting to notice.
Michelle -- Agreed. They should have never been relevant with their toxic messages. I'm glad this day came.
DeleteI don't know if Exodus International should be forgiven, per se, but that apology seems both respectable and sincere to me. If Chambers has truly come to terms with the reality that his words convey, perhaps, once the fallout settles down, this will open a new chapter of understanding between the church and the LGBTQ community.
ReplyDeleteExodus International represented the church's way of proving that homosexuality was a choice. The failure of the organization, and the failures of Chambers, will force the church (at least the more reasonably divisions of it) to face the truth and begin accepting LGBTQ "as God made them". At least, that is my hope, and what I see happening in time.
Wise Fool -- Let's hope recent events force the Religious Right to wrestle with its homophobia. I'm really eager to see the fallout among both LGBTQ people and the Religious Right.
DeleteThere are men so warped that they can manage to go on living a lie until the day they die. It seems that Mr. Chambers is not such a man.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness? It's not my place to offer it or deny it. Only those whom Exodus hurt so terribly have the right to make that decision.
Personally I make no virtue of forgiving enemies. That's a Christian fetish and I am as far from being a Christian as it's humanly possible to be.
But I am glad that, by coming clean, Mr. Chambers has made it that much harder for the theocratic filth to go on destroying more and more innocent lives.
Infidel -- This is a major blow to the so-called ex-gay movement, and it was a long time coming.
DeleteI wonder how Chambers and his ilk lived this lie for so long? Before this revelation, what kind of mental gymnastics did they have to do?
The religious right will react negatively, of course. But I do think over time, though, the evangelicals will move forward on this. Saying that people are born gay, can't change, and are, in fact, gay is the first start. Until you acceptt that premise, there is no way to even reason with gay rights in society and in the church.
ReplyDeleteLana -- Progress is slow, but it's coming, and that makes me happy. The sooner the "ex-gay" lie is destroyed, the better.
DeleteI think its sincere from Chambers as he seems to be coming into his own sexuality. But its a personal statement I don’t think it reflects everyone. So forgiveness is only for him not for the organization. Now close it down Chambers you surely have some power to at least try.
ReplyDeleteChristian -- I wonder if we'll be hearing from other members of Exodus International, both penitent and hardline. I'd eager to know what they have to say.
DeleteCheers to Chambers for seeing the error of his ways and for making, what seems to be, a sincere apology. His 'coming out' as a sincere, compassionate human being will hopefully bring some goodness into his own life and the lives of those hurt by 'Exodus International'.
ReplyDeleteJust Jill -- Welcome! His apology was a necessary step, and I want very much to see what he'll do next.
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